Value-Based Relationships
-Reciprocity is a social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions.
Today I want to talk about relationships. I specifically want to talk about value-based relationships, those relationships that have reciprocity attached to them. A lot of people do not understand the concept of reciprocity, and that is okay, because they must learn. And the only way for them to learn about reciprocity is for you to leave the individual, that is not being reciprocal to your relationship, alone. That tends to be a challenging task, but it must be done because when you realize that people are just using you for your inherent abilities, your natural gifts, that can drive you insane! I know all too well. I have been around people my entire life and it took me until 33 years old to realize that my light, my energy, is why people want to be around me. They want to soak up my greatness, but they leave me high and dry when my cup needs to be filled. I have a “friend”, I say that very loosely, that I have known for the better part of 18 years who has never once offered to take me for a drink to celebrate my graduating on five separate occasions. This is a person who has slept on my couch when another one was not available! I am not counting pockets, but I am asking why is there such a lack of reciprocity. {Insert your own terrible friend/relationship story here} There are a lot of individuals that will try to take your kindness for blindness and will try to exploit who you are because you have not turned your back on them and stopped being who you are. And that is perfect! When it comes to the relationship process do not change who you are for anything or anyone, instead continue to be exactly who you are. Be helpful, be caring, be supportive. And DO NOT ever change because an individual is not being reciprocal. Understand your value! Understand where that relationship is taking you! If a relationship is not fulfilling your expectation, then you need to leave it alone because that signals to the individual(s) that’s using you that you will no longer be used. There are a lot of good people in this world that are constantly being used by others who have no intention of being reciprocal. Now is the time to create value-based relationships with a foundation of reciprocity, not only for your mental health but also so that you can feel good about the help that you give, the support that you give, and the care that you give to others that you are not receiving in return. Do what you must to raise the level of relationships that you are creating and keeping around you. The general rule is we all get about five close friends/relationships. Five people that mean the world to us. And likewise, to us the world. If you cannot, at a moment’s notice, go through your phone and find those five individuals that form your tribe, your village, your community of helpful, supportive, caring individuals that will be there for you, you should start cultivating those relationships. Immediately! Or continue to keep things the way they are and let individuals exploit you, use you and abuse you. Until they cannot use you any longer. And you will be the only one left feeling unfulfilled. From now on, go out and cultivate those reciprocal relationships that helps to build one another up, because that is where the value lies.
-Here are some strategies for creating value-based relationships
· Ask yourself: What is a healthy relationship?
· Set boundaries; Be up front about expectations
· Recognize what values are important to the individual(s) in the relationship
· Know your worth
